looking back on the last two years without you

This magical thing happened after you left...

I was happy, and I was free.

Two years ago I asked you not to leave.

I know it's too late, but please don't come home.

I Want...

To go to a farm and pick pumpkins and milk a cow and learn how to kill a chicken so that it's quick and almost painless and learn how to grow my own vegetables and no longer have to depend on large corporations for nourishment and just life in general. I want to be free. Free from four walls. Free from comfort. I have trapped myself in comfort- in technology, appliances and all the things that are supposed to make my life easier. But really I'm just disconnected. I want to worship with all of creation. I want to live under the stars. Why am I in this apartment? I want to be free of the restrictions money place on my life. I want to travel and see God's beautiful planet. I want to write a song that touches someone's heart. I want to care and never become complacent. I want to go away to grad school. I want to be single forever and have five kids and you can just get over it. I

want to stop wanting the wrong things and to only want the things of God.

"If you want to learn how to pray, learn how to want." - Herbert McCabe

growing up

breaks my heart.

i remember a time when life was so carefree.

when i could climb trees, and ride my bike,
and run all over creation, unaware of all of the
evil that could harm me.

and now, i'm old. i have married friends and
friends that are getting married.

i grew up with friends that are having babies.

and it's so beautiful, but it makes me want to cry.

because i was a baby yesterday, and life is happening
too fast and i can't keep up with it.

i'm not ready for all of this. and although i realize
that just because these things are happening for my
friends, it doesn't mean i'll be partaking in them
any time soon.

but i just hate that i'm old enough to be married.

MARRIED?

BABIES?

i want to climb trees.

i want my only worry to be a scraped knee,
something mommy can make better so easily.

when did i grow up?

how did i get here?

coming to a close

I have always been the nerd that wants to go back to school.
I love summer, don't get me wrong, but by the end of it I'm
always a little bit antsy. This summer, however, I am more
than a little bit antsy. I am off the walls, going out of my
mind ready to be back on Trevecca's campus. This summer
has been awesome, and in many ways it was just what I needed,
but PLEASE, can this week just go by quickly so I can be back
where I belong?

Inevitably, I will regret this last plea about three-quarters into
this next semester. Will someone please remind me of this blog?
Thanks.

Today

I was verbally assaulted by a customer at work.
All because the alarm went off when she walked
out the door.
So she stormed (and by stormed, I mean a tornado occured
in Anthropologie tonight), back to the cash wrap,
threw her purchased clothing at me, and proceeded to yell
profanities and random things about not getting paid,
and her child in school, and something about Davidson
county that I had trouble deciefering through the explosion
that was about 500 F-bombs being dropped between just
about every word. And the whole time she was hitting her
shopping bag up against the counter over and over again and
pointing at random people and mainly just yelling at me.

Ummm... ma'am? I didn't do anything...

But come to find out she's had quite the stroke of bad luck
recently and she just had a mental breakdown.

Poor lady. The cop wanted me to press charges, but
I didn't. But really, nothing has ever happened to me that
required me to say, "No, officer, I don't feel right about pressing
charges."

So, needless to say, this has been a very odd night.

new style inspiration?

i think so!

of course, she's been around for quite some time.

but i've just fallen in love with her.

betsy johnson's got nothing on you anna piaggi!

if cereal were a human...

I would marry it.

Regardless of gender.

Yes, I would go gay for cereal.

Even if it meant getting
destroyed by God Himself.

Cereal is worth it.

I will now compose a beautiful poem for my love, cereal:

oh cereal
our love is so real
you make me feel
so full and satisfied
and if i ever die
i'll be burried
with you by my side
and that's where
we'll reside
for all eternity