looking back on the last two years without you

This magical thing happened after you left...

I was happy, and I was free.

Two years ago I asked you not to leave.

I know it's too late, but please don't come home.

I Want...

To go to a farm and pick pumpkins and milk a cow and learn how to kill a chicken so that it's quick and almost painless and learn how to grow my own vegetables and no longer have to depend on large corporations for nourishment and just life in general. I want to be free. Free from four walls. Free from comfort. I have trapped myself in comfort- in technology, appliances and all the things that are supposed to make my life easier. But really I'm just disconnected. I want to worship with all of creation. I want to live under the stars. Why am I in this apartment? I want to be free of the restrictions money place on my life. I want to travel and see God's beautiful planet. I want to write a song that touches someone's heart. I want to care and never become complacent. I want to go away to grad school. I want to be single forever and have five kids and you can just get over it. I

want to stop wanting the wrong things and to only want the things of God.

"If you want to learn how to pray, learn how to want." - Herbert McCabe